Female, 37, utterly devoted to Peter Capaldi, The Thick of It, Stephen Fry, Have I Got News For You, Top Gear, Computer games, Computer Science and general geekery

(Master List of Fanfics) Smutty fanfiction writer.

I'm a geek by hobby and profession and once got out of a boring meeting by jamming pencils up my nose and saying 'wibble'. I love cups of tea.

My username isn't a slur and I'd be happy to furnish people with a full list of my disabilities if you need them. I just find them boring :p


For those interested, my epic cowriter/editor/wise woman themasterplanner has kicked me up the arse enough for me to load another piece of glorious smuttage onto A03. Enjoy my perverted followers :)

Anonymous asked
I can't find it but I thought you posted a great fic a while back where the main gal was friends with Sam and met Malcolm through her? I can't find it though :(

Ahh yes, that’s one of my favourites!

From the Xmas 2013 minific series challenge: Malcolm/You


The absolute glee on Malcolm’s face when he realizes Hugh fell for his joke could power half of London.

One of my favourite moments (I’m a sucker for a Happy Malcolm)

(Source: willsolverson)

Anonymous asked
I need some capaldi/tucker smut. Ive read your brilliant writing so is there any more you could recommend please??


I’d give you my entire TTOI fanfic bookmark list if I could type that fast, but here, in no order, are a selection that I have recently read:

You’re Gonna Have to Serve Somebody (Malcolm/Jamie) - by wishwellingtons - Chapter 5 has my favourite smutty bits.

That Sweet Enemy (Everyone/Everyone) - by krikkiter68 - Everyone has kinky sex in this one

Tension (Malcolm/Sam) - by Fantababy - Nothing like a bit of office sex :)

Silk (Malcolm/you) - by eflind  (Who also writes the amazing Entanglements series which is Malcolm/Jamie/Sam)

Saturday Morning Shuffle (Malcolm/Sam) - by TravelDustedShoes - More fluffy than smutty but a great one-shot

Malcolm likes to watch (Malcolm/Unidentified Female) by anon. In fact the whole of that kinkmeme is worth a read and yes I wrote a few anon pieces there although this wasn’t one of mine.

Anonymous asked
More real person fics featuring Peter Capaldi, please. You write them really well and I think the world would do well to have more of those.

The world needs more Peter Capaldi adoration! This is just my way of doing it (and please goddess never let him read these and get offended…)

Fic: Never in the Office (Prompt fill: Malcolm/Unidentified Female. NSFW)

Well, we have a rather indifferent Malcolm and a very casual sexual encounter. Short ficlet, smutty as ever. Enjoy :)


Never in the office. That was the first rule. Malcolm had destroyed the careers of far too many governmental wonks for fucking about in the halls of Westminster to ever do it himself.

Never when drunk was the second. Malcolm was absolutely revolted by the smell of alcohol on anybody’s breath, rumour had it that was why Jamie MacDonald eventually upped and left – staying sober so Malcolm would consent to being in the same room as him was too much for the son of Motherwell to deal with.

Never without a message from him was the last. He was the Director of Communications, he knew when it was safe to have an office junior visit him without having the press sniffing round his door. Carrying a load of documents was a safe cover most of the time.

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Anonymous asked
Idk if this is a fic idea or just something I gotta get off my chest, but I love the idea of Malcolm being serviced (oral sex, sex sex, lap dance, w/e) by some intern who is completely infatuated with him, and Malcolm is so nonchalant about it. Like he expects it and it happens every Wednesday and has for the past ten years.

I saw one once that had Fat Pat filling that role :)

I like this idea. It fits well with my writing style (short :p)

Edit: No, I didn’t write the Fat Pat one. I will write a kinky little short for this idea.